"Only Child Synodrome"

I read a saying just recently that I will paraphrase because I can't remember exactly word for word what it said. It went a long the lines of...if your child is wanting you to give them attention...Play Candy Land, make Necklaces, Play Barbies, stop what you are doing and give them 5 minutes. And they will give you an hour and 5 minutes in return, for you to do what you want.

This little saying kind of hit home to me. I don't know how many times Halle has asked me to play with her and my response 90% of the time is..."Hang on a second!" or "As soon as I finish _________." I always feel guilty because unlike all of her cousins she doesn't have anybody to play with or anybody to entertain her...except for me and Jake. She is not a child who entertains herself. It is hard for me to understand this because I was a child who liked being by myself. Sure, I loved playing with my brothers but I also really liked playing in my room by myself with Barbies and Baby Dolls. Not my Bug! She NEVER leaves my side. If I am in the kitchen, she is underfoot ready to help! Don't get me wrong, I love my little sidekick but things are quickly about to change for her. I guess in a way I am glad she isn't going to have the "Only Child Syndrome" much longer. She is used to getting her way. She is used to having ALL of the attention ALL of the time. She is demanding in EVERY way! I know I am making my child seem like a monster...really she is not. I believe she is just like every other Only Child.

So, I've tried this little theory out while at home with her for the past week. It actually holds some truth. I don't know if I got an entire hour and 5 minutes but I know she was satisfied for quite awhile. I am making it my mission to drop whatever I am doing and give her some of the attention she is so desperately wanting...afterall, her world will be changing in about 5 months...for the better, of course!! I just hope she sees it that way. ;)

Woody Wilson is on the way!!!

At my 12 week ultrasound, the technician was scanning over all the parts and I was asking LOTS of questions. I decided to do the genetic testing and I kind of knew some of the questions to ask. My best friend had a child with anencephaly and my nephew has downs. A lot of people disagree with these series of tests. I guess I understand if your whole intent was to terminate the pregnancy but I just simply wanted to know. It didn't matter what the results said, I would carry the baby to term! My results came in today and everything was NEGATIVE...PraisetheLORD!!

So, at my 12 week scan I was pretty sure I saw something...as in a little boy part! So, I asked..."What exactly are we looking at?" She had two images on the screen. One arms and one legs. And there was definitely something between the legs! She said, "Don't go paint the nursery but I am pretty sure your husband is going to be happy!" I didn't want to tell anybody because I really wanted to do the big reveal. Jake thinks the reveal thing is stupid...but I thought it was fun!

I wasn't very good and the "secret" thing. People ask WAY too many questions! "What do you think you are having?" I'd immediately say "Boy"...Once I got it confirmed people would ask, "What does Jake think?" As if I am going to fall for that one! hehe...sure everyone knew that Daddy would love to have a boy! So, I tried to play it off. Not sure if anybody fell for it. It seemed like most everyone guessed boy. I had a few girl voters.

I was pretty sure that we were going to have another girl when I first found out we were expecting. Without going into details...Medically speaking...everything pointed to girl. I am still in awe of our wonderful God and His miraculous ways!! This past spring,I blogged about a particular day when we were told that God had showed a friend of ours a little boy playing in our living room. At the time, I didn't care at all if the whole boy thing was correct...I just wanted a baby so bad and I remember feeling so overwhelmed with peace. Now, looking back I shouldn't be shocked at all that we are expecting a boy. Afterall, our entire testimony is pretty unbelievable!!

So, for now we will refer to our little bundle of joy as Woody. Chosen by big sister, Halle! I believe Woody Wilson has a great ring to it!! :)

Ignorance is Bliss

It is time to make sure that all five toilets are clean!! The morning sickness arrived this week. While the feeling of nauseousness is no fun, I am embracing it! As soon as my eyes open in the morning I am reminded of this miracle that God gave us! I am still in absolute amazement of just how much Jesus loves me! How perfect His timing is!!

I've spent the last two weeks doing blood draw after blood draw, taking shot after shot and swallowing a ton of pills! Again, I will never complain without also adding, "Thank you, Jesus." This time around I have such a great appreciation of it all. I know it sounds strange that I am thanking Jesus for my morning sickness, and I am praising him for the needle sticks. But, the Bible does say, Count it ALL joy! And I have so much joy in my life I can hardly contain myself!

Today, a really close friend received some terrible news. She had texted her sister-in-law because she was going to find out what the gender of her baby was. My friend told me today at lunch that she hadn't heard back from her yet. I mentioned that the 20 week ultrasound always makes me a little nervous because that is usually when they find things that could be genetically wrong and so on. During lunch she got a message back that said they had lost the baby and were sending her to delivery. My heart just ached & I felt so sick to my stomach.

Fear washed over me. I think it is a completely natural feeling to have when you are 6 weeks pregnant and hear news like that. It is crazy how when I was pregnant with Halle just 5 years ago, I never worried about a thing. It never occurred to me that something could go wrong. But, I have watched close friends & family deal with such tragedy over the last couple of years. My friend, Courtney said, "You are much wiser now." I guess it is true what they say, "Ignorance is bliss!" & Google Search is the enemy!! Just sayin'

I choose not to live in fear! I believe with my whole heart that God has chosen this child for wonderful things. I've prayed for this baby for 16+ months! "It" will be blessed! Life is good!! God is greater!! ;)

**Please be in prayer for this family that is dealing with a terrible loss. My heart aches for them all!

Finally!!!

I'm thinking it is time for a new blog. My last blog was on July 28 and the title was "Infertility." So much has happened in the past two months. We decided in July that we were going to take the next step in finding out why we were having so much trouble getting pregnant. I had been to the doctor and he couldn't find anything wrong with me. So, our next step was having Jake checked out. He did NOT want to take this step. As a matter of fact, it took me 5 months to even convince him we needed to do this if we were ever going to get answers. Finally, he swallowed his pride and we made the necessary appointment in August. I took the day off and we spent the entire day at doctor offices. He was such a good sport. We laughed about how one day we could tell our child about what we had to go through to get him/her. About a week later, we got all of the results back and everything was normal. This took me by surprise. Jake, not so much! LOL! "See, I told you so!"

Hmmmm...so now what?! I felt like I was back at square one. While it was great news, it still didn't answer my question why we were not successful. I needed a medical reason.

So, I was talking to one of my best friends about it all. I told her I guess it was time to just go ahead and call the infertility doctor. I was starting to feel desperate. When she asked me what the doctors name was she said, "He is with my OB doctor." So, she gave me the number and I made my appointment for September 20. I finally felt like I was going to get the help that I needed. Before my appointment I found out that I made my appointment with the wrong doctor. This was the brother of the infertility specialist. I went ahead and kept the appointment because his website said that he had a team of infertility specialists that he worked with. He is an OB/GYN and I figured that may help with the cost since my insurance will NOT pay for fertility treatments.

I took my mom and Amber to the appointment with me. I knew that he would have lots of information and I needed them there to hear everything with me. Boy, was I right! I was overwhelmed with information. When I left the office, I was on cloud nine! He was so confident that he was going to help us! They offered VERY affordable treatments and they told me that they can code things to where most insurance companies will pay. The only thing out of pocket I had to pay was $440 for inseminations. With this doctor's brother it was going to be at least $2300. I was so thankful that God had opened up the door to find the "wrong" doctor. I really felt He had led me there to get the answers that I needed. I left the office with a plan. I felt great! I had so much hope again! They did a blood test while I was there to check to see if I had ovulated this month. The nurse called me back the next day and said that my numbers were really really good and it looked like I did ovulate this month. She said, "So, either call us back with a positive test or if you start!" I was happy to hear that I ovulated on my own...but I knew that I always did every month so I didn't get too excited or even remotely think it was possible that I would be calling them back with any other news than..."I started!" I was o.k. with that though...because I knew that I was going to start the process of finding out what was going on. I sent text messages to my close friends and said, "I've never been so excited to start!" ;)My friends joke all of the time about how they know my cycle better than their own. I love my friends and I LOVE that they have been with me on this journey! Such blessings to me!

Just five days later I was talking to Amber about how excited I was. I told Amber how I really had hoped so much for a positive test this month. I wanted God to get ALL of the glory for this miracle that I prayed so long for. I really had hang-ups on infertility medication and inseminations. I know all babies are blessings and miracles no matter how you get them. But, I really just wanted it all to happen naturally and miraculously. Later that day when I got home I decided to go ahead and test. I probably haven't tested in at least 4 or 5 months because I always knew what the result would be. I just did this time because I wanted to prove to myself that it was negative and so that I could quit giving myself false hope.

When I looked at the test it looked like the rest of them...one line! BLAH! Oh well, at least I know, right? I came back in to throw it away. I looked again and their was a faint second line. I screamed, "Halle give me my phone!" She said, "What's wrong Mom?" I called Courtney and said, "Um...I think I have a positive test." I took a picture and sent it to her. She called me back and said, "That is definitely positive." I couldn't believe it. I couldn't wait to tell Jake! He was supposed to be going hunting. When he walked in the door I asked him if he had to go hunting. He said, "No I guess not, why?" I held up the test and he said, "What does that mean?" Oh, brother!!

Since then, I've been to the doctor to confirm with blood test. They have given me a progesterone shot and I have orders for more bloodwork on Monday. They are treating me as an infertiltiy patient which is actually awesome! They are just being very extra cautious with everything. I have no doubt that this is exactly where I am supposed to be! God truly had his hand on this from day one--sixteen months ago.

I'm still in awe of Him! I have this overwhelming feeling of just how much He loves me! I feel so blessed! He made this happen and I will forever be thankful for the path he laid out before me!

I've said it before and I'll say it again, "Thank You for the mountain!"

Infertility

I am not sharing this to get sympathy. I am sharing this for those of you who can relate or maybe you just like to "Keep up with Krista." :)

I've learned many things over the course of 14 months TTC. I've learned that many women are private about their individual situations. They keep things to themselves...all bottled in. They don't like to talk openly about their infertility. I have to admit, it is very hard for me to be "brave" and put my very raw emotions out there for the whole World Wide Web to view. However, over these grueling 14 months I've learned that I am not alone. It is very much an issue for many people that I know personally. I know this because the last time I posted a very emotional story I got many private messages from women who shared their story. I just want to say, "I am being brave for each and every one of you." To let you know that YOU are not alone. Furthermore, if you would like to start a support group I would be happy to get it going...just let me know! ;)

It is not easy watching every one around you get pregnant when you desire so much in your heart to have what they have. It is not easy to hear things like, "It will happen... in God's timing." It is not easy to take countless fertility drugs, go through blood test after blood test, take your BBT every single morning (at the same time), go to dr appointments, etc. None of this is easy for us! Infertility is a pain that is indescribable. Unless you've walked the path, you can not even begin to understand the depths of pain that you feel. The only thing that has helped me deal with my emotions and coping with infertility is my prayer life and having such a loving and supportive family and friends system.

As I began this journey, I had in my mind MY time frame. I knew exactly how many years I wanted between children. I knew what we could afford as far as daycare expenses were concerned. I "knew" that Halle would go to Pre-K in the fall which would make daycare cheaper and we would be able to afford to put an infant in a very costly daycare provider. I had it ALL figured out. I would be able to time it "just right" so that it didn't interfere with school. Yeah...I had it ALL figured out!! ;)

HOWEVER, God knew better...as he always does. He knew that Halle would not be going into Pre-K in the fall. He knew exactly what we were going to be able to afford and He knows exactly when the best time will be for us. Yes, "God's timing"... There I said it...but maybe it will be easier to swallow coming from a "non-fertile" woman! HAHA! God has showed me time and time again, "Hey, I've Got This. This is NOTHING!" I have grown in my faith so much. Now, if you ask my husband he will tell you, "She talks out of both sides of her mouth." He says this because I do get emotional from time to time...and when it comes down to it men just don't like to see women cry...especially when they can't fix it. So, my response is, "Yes, I am human...I am a woman and I am entitled to shed a tear once a month." Get over it!! I still trust God...my faith is not any smaller because I get disappointed with each negative test I take. I completely trust God and I know He will bless us with the perfect baby. Instead of praying and asking God to give us a baby, I thank God for the baby that He already knows He is going to give us and pray blessings over "it's" life. That may sound weird to most but the Bible says..."I knew you before I formed you in your mother's womb. Before you were born I set you apart and appointed you as my prophet to nations." Jer. 1:5 The funny thing is my mom just told me last night that she has started praying the same exact way. Tell me this child will not be blessed! One of my infertilty sisters pointed out to me that not one time in His Word did someone pray for a child and He did not grant their request. That was so refreshing to me!!

Because of my infertility, I am a better mother and wife. I am a better christian. I am a better friend. I am a better listener. I am more sensitive to other people's needs. I have a better relationship with Christ. I didn't choose 14 months of TTC. But, I do choose to be a better person. I choose happiness. I choose to love life. I choose to see the good in every situation. I choose to see God in everything. For without him WE would not be!

I am human and I get sad...but I am a Christian and I fully trust that God has my situationa in the palm of His hands. I know that the minute I get a positive test, it will be because God chose to bless us in that exact moment. Right now, I am just thanking Him for what He is up to because I know it will ALL be worth it in the end!!

Don't be sad for me! Just pray and believe with me!

Isaiah 55:8-9 "My thoughts are nothing like your thoughts," says the LORD "And my ways are far beyond anything you could imagine. For just as the heavens are higher than the earth so my ways are higher than your ways and my thoughts higher than your thoughts."

Thank you for the mountain...

I've been sitting on this since Wednesday night trying to decide if it was worthy to "blog" about. I'm guessing the fact that I am still up at 1 a.m. still pondering this weeks events is probably a good indication I should stop fighting it and go for it!

Wednesday (Youth night) evening Jake called around 3:30 to let me know that he had to work late and would not be making it to church. We youth pastor at The Missing Peace church and he always delivers the message to our youth. So, I'm thinking to myself after we hung up..."Do I still go? I could easily skip and it would be o.k. I have so much to do on this house...I should stay home." But, something deep down told me I needed to be there. I got Halle ready and off we went...

I love to watch the sky and imagine what heaven must be like with my loved ones there waiting on me. I especially love those big fluffy clouds (cumulous, I think?) I periodically point the clouds out to Jake and I'm pretty sure he thinks I'm a weirdo. But, whatever!

So, Wednesday night I was driving to church watching these beautiful clouds in front of me. As I was watching them I began thanking God for all of the wonderful blessings he has blessed us with. We have a beautiful daughter, a gorgeous home, and 2 wonderful jobs. We have the opportunity to minister to teenagers again and wonderful people who support us 100%. We have great families...I could go on and on...really! So, as I was watching these beautiful clouds, I began thinking about this mountain that we have also been faced with. The big HUGE mountain! I started praying about it saying, "God, I trust in You. This is not too big for you..." and so on. And about that time I looked in my rearview mirror to see this very nasty, dark sky behind me. It was this building storm BEHIND me! I started crying like a baby. He showed me once again...that He has this. Only beautiful things ahead...no more dark and dreary!

I had to pull myself together so people at church wouldn't think that something was terribly wrong. We had a speaker who did a wonderful job that night. I felt the holy spirit telling me..."Get up and tell them what I showed you." I kept fighting it and arguing...I talk to 7 & 8 year olds not teenagers. I don't talk in front of people...I've never talked in front of adults. This is Jake's job...I can't do this, God! What if I get nervous and say something wrong? So, I talked myself out of it. I decided that I would do it only if there was an "opportunity." So, our speaker finished about 30 minutes early. So, Yeah, I got up and ministered to our youth. I don't know if it touched a single heart but mine. But, I know that I was obedient and it felt good.

I thought about all of the events leading up to this. Jake worked overtime...if he hadn't would I have stepped out in faith and done this? Absolutely not. I really wanted to just stay home...Why didn't I? Because God had other plans.

So, tonight (er, this a.m.) I just want to thank God for the mountain. If it wasn't for it...I'm not sure where I would be today. It is because of the mountain that I've grown so much in my faith. My God is bigger than any mountain you could be facing today.

You...just...have...to...trust!

"Pinterest Makes My Life Better"

A year or so ago, I got a text message from my sister-in-law, Sarah, telling me that, "You have to get the Pinterest app. You will be addicted." So, I downloaded the app and couldn't figure the darn thing out. It didn't make much sense to me when she was explaining it. "It's a bunch of pictures of things and you can create boards and pin them." I'm thinking..."Why do I want a bunch of pictures of random things?" But, o.k. Sarah!" I found out that you have to be invited and blah, blah, blah. Sounded like too much work to me so I just dismissed it.

A few weeks later she asked me if I ever figured it out. I told her I just didn't understand it. But, she convinced me that I needed to try to figure it out. So, I checked my email and got "accepted" and started figuring it out.

She was right...I was addicted from the "get-go." I loved looking at the humor board. It's still one of my favorites! I LOVE E-CARDS!! They make life so much better!

You can always tell when I'm on a diet because I start pinning in my "Yummy Food" board along with my "Fitness" board. You might see pins for cookies and homemade cheese sticks...and then just to make myself feel better I will pin the 100 Ways to to make your tummy flat! Yeah right!

I love the Education pins! I've used SO many cute things from there in my classroom! I just don't understand why we (teachers) feel the need to pin so many "School Things" over the summer!! I'm guilty, too!! However, I've learned you have to Pin fast because it may go away if you don't act quick!

From the start, I would show pictures to Jake. I would say, "Let's do this to our bathroom." or "I want to go here." It wasn't until I made something from my 'Yummy Food' board that he realized that Pinterest is ALL that it is cracked up to be! I've made several recipes from Pinterest that he loves and when it comes to food...that guy is very hard to impress!!

Last weekend, for our camping trip, I made the "Best Pasta Salad EVER" to take with us. He loved it! The Flourless Cookies (That's got to be healthy, right?) were also a pretty big hit. One night this week I made baked chicken/potatoes/greenbeans. I kind of figured it was not going to be a favorite. But, Pinterest did it again. As he was eating he said, "Pinterest makes my life better." I had to laugh!!

You will never find my husband on Pinterest but he sure is glad that Sarah convinced me to figure it out. Thanks, Sarah!!

Here are two of my recent "CrAfTy" Pinterest projects!

Blabber Mouth

I saw this on Pinterest and I thought it was hilarious! This is true with little ones. They don't have filters. They tell everything they know. This has happened so many times in my 10 years in education. Parents would die if they knew all that was told to us!

I've learned this from personal experience. Now that I have a child I realize that now it is going to be me that is "talked" about at daycare and school.

This summer has been quite different than all of the past 4 summers. Halle is very independant now and I can get so much done around the house. Last summer, I couldn't even leave the room without her yelling, "Mommy, where are you?" It drove me nuts. I blamed it on our house being so big but I think she just had seperation issues. So, this year I can tell she's really starting to grow up. However, with the growing up comes the "Telling Everything You Know to Daddy."

We used to be able to go eat lunch or go shopping and Daddy would never find out. It's not that I ever had anyting to hide...he can look up on our bank account info at any time and see where we go and what we do. He never freaks out about spending money. But, there are some things that you don't just offer up the minute he walks in from work.

UNTIL NOW...

As soon as Daddy walks in the door the first question he asks, "What did you guys do today?" Halle responds, "We went to eat at Ho Wah and then Mommy bought me a new pair of shoes." I cringe...Of course Daddy thinks Halle has too many shoes already. And why didn't we eat lunch at home where it is FREE? HaHa!! Or "We ate at El Tapatio with Grandma and Nina today." UGH!! Or better yet, I don't think he heard this one because he was in the shower...and I changed the subject with her very quickly. "Mom got this new little purse in the mail today. It's kind of like this..." AHEM! "Hey, Halle WE DON'T HAVE TO TELL EVERYTHING WE KNOW!!!" Seriously!!

I had this conversation with Jake the other day. He thinks it is hilarious, of course!! Me...not so much!!!

Every Girl's Dream

Ok...so maybe it isn't every girl's dream to visit the American Girl Store. But, I know if I had the opportunity as a little girl to experience that, I would have absolutely been in heaven. Today was so much fun! Maybe I'm living my "little girl" childhood through Halle but I was in awe of every little detail!

My husband thinks it is absolutely nuts to spend that kind of money on a doll! But, I'm telling you if he had seen the look on Halle's face when she walked in and saw everything...we would have walked out with the $225 Loft Bed...and possibly the tent! Ha Ha! We refrained from over splurging...but I could totally see how one could get carried away.

My cousin, Amy and her daughter, Jozlyn went with us. Jozzy got a bitty baby for Christmas and one of their dogs got a hold of it's little hand. They had to admit the baby into the hospital (no joke) to get it fixed up! They dressed her in a hospital gown and all! It was so cute. Amy even said that if a child is extremely attached they will send a doctor out to explain to the child what they will do to ease their fear! HAHA! I love it! Sure, it may be a little over the top but how cute is it for little girls?

I was so happy that my mom and my neice, Alyssa came with us on our first trip to AG! Alyssa has never been into playing dolls. I'll never forget the Christmas when Mom, Sarah and I all went together and bought her and Emma the "knock-off" AG dolls and accessories from Target! We were all so excited to see them open the horse and the little scooter. As they ripped off the paper, we asked Alyssa if she liked it and her response was a very loud, "Noooooo!" I'll never forget that! I'm pretty sure we have that on video somewhere! This past Christmas I liked to fell over when Alyssa asked for a Tangled Barbie doll. Then, the other day when she heard us talking about going she said, "I want to go, Nana." I asked her when she became a girl...she laughed!

So, Amber had two AG dolls in her basement that her grandma gave her. She never played with them. They were more for looks than playing with. I told her she needed to get them out and let Alyssa play with them and see if it will be worth it for her. Since then, these two little dolls have went everywhere with her. She even buckles them into the backseat! HAHA!! I never thought I'd see the day that one of Amber's girls would actually like dolls!

It was such a nice day with the girls!! I can't wait until we can do it again!

Best of Both Worlds

I have the best of both worlds! I get to do what I love to do...and know that I am called to do it...TEACHING! I also get to spend 3 1/2 months out of the year doing something else I love...being a stay at home mom. I love both of my worlds and I wouldn't change it for anything!!

I am so thankful that God has given me the opportunity to do both of my jobs. I feel that I do them both very well. Is it stressful to work outside of the home and maintain a happy & healthy family? Absolutely! Sometimes it is overwhelming. But, I wouldn't trade it for anything in the world. The positive impact that I can make in a child's life far outweighs any stress that could come my way throughout the school year.

I admire both sides of the fence. The "stay at home" Moms have a tough job! Being the constant caregiver is difficult. There are never any breaks...especially if there are several children involved. The "working" mom also has a difficult job. They have to go out of their home to help make a living for their family. Time with children is limited to evenings. It isn't ideal but they do what they have to for their family!

I've said all of that to say this, "I am happy that I get to jump the fence!"

It creates a very good balance for me!!

God's Promises

I will not be sharing this with the Facebook world. However, I don't want to miss the opportunity to blog what just happened to us recently. If you happen to stumble upon this--then it was absolutely meant for you to see. Maybe your faith has been tested recently.

Just as mine has.

My husband and I have been TTC for 1 year. We finally hit our 1 year mark this month. It has been a complete life changer for me. Around the 6 month mark I found myself really becoming angry. I kept questioning God. Why are you allowing all of these people around me get pregnant? Everyone except me? Girls who are unmarried and unable to support babies on their own? Girls who kill babies...girls who don't love their babies as I know can?

Why? Why? Why, God?

I know I've went through different stages throughout the year. I started the year really feeling positive. "Awh...well, maybe next month?" or "It will happen on my birthday. Yeah, God wants to give me a birthday present I will never forget." or "Maybe Christmas morning?" "I know Mother's Day!" This went on for months. Each day being as positive as the last. Until finally I just fell before the Lord and just laid it all out. I had a complete meltdown in January. That is when God began working His beautiful work in me.

I now have complete peace about His plan. When I say complete peace...that is exactly what I mean. Nobody understands why I just don't push my hubby to go to the doctor...or why I just don't jump at the fertility options. I have grown in my faith so much since January...that I just don't see the need to go any further than the feet of my Savior! He did it ALL already. Why would I seek anyone other than Him. Babies are a gift from God. He is the one that gives each and every one of us everything!

About a month ago, Jake's friend, Josh, from Washington State came to stay with us for 12 days. Josh's dad came over to visit one Sunday afternoon. Jake and I were working in the yard and Halle stayed inside playing with Josh and his wife. They came outside and were getting ready to leave for church and Josh's dad (who is an extremist and has a prayer life like nobody we have EVER met) walked up to Jake and said, "Do you want a baby boy?" Jake said, "Huh?" He said, "Do you want a baby boy?" Jake said, "Well yeah?" He said, "Good because God just showed me, while I was watching Halle play in the living room that He is going to bless you with a baby boy." We were absolutely blown away. This man who doesn't know our situation at all. Who had no idea that my heart has literally ached for a baby for an entire year just told us what God had showed him. I was amazed!

Later the same day this was revealed to us, my sister-in-law told me they were going to have vasectomy reversal so they could have another baby. I know that God is an "on-time" God...but WOW! I believe that He wanted to make sure that I knew He has heard my heart and He is going to bless us at just the right time. It may have been extremely painful to hear that my brother and sister-in-law, who have 3 perfectly healthy children are going to try for 1 more after all I've been through this year.

God is sooooo GOOD!

So, I've been standing on this promise! Praying that God would just have His way. I've completely given this to Him....knowing that none of it is in my hands anyway.

This morning, Jake came in and said, "Listen to this!" It was a voice message from a complete stranger. It said, "You don't know me but a friend of yours gave me your name and number told me to be in prayer for you to conceive a child. I want you to know that I've prayed for you and asked God to show me what to pray for you about. He said to tell you that you will conceive VERY soon. I've not seen your friend since. But, I wanted to let you know that I have prayed and God has heard." We later found out that this man came as a guest speaker during a baby dedication and has prayed for many couples who have trouble conceiving...and many have been success stories of God's miracle hand at work!

Again, WOW! Really? All I can say is the God we serve is absolutely awesome! What was promised to us a month ago has now been confirmed by a complete and total stranger. As I sit here today I am completely overwhelmed with joy because I know what is coming. What God says He will do--- will absolutely happen!

What a joyous day it will be when I can tell all of my family and friends that I am expecting. I have faith that the day will happen SOON! Thank you, Jesus!!

Bittersweet Birthday

Today is my beautiful daughter's 4th birthday! I can't believe it has already been 4 years. She has made me so happy! Each day she makes me laugh with her wonderful sense of humor! I honestly can't imagine my life without my Bug!

In all honesty, this morning was a little emotional. I had imagined celebrating her 4th birthday either big, huge and pregnant or with a newborn baby in tow. I now know that wasn't God's plan and I have accepted it. Eventhough I'm a little sad, I know His plan is far greater than I can imgaine...His word tells me so!! :)

I've been redecorating Halle's bedroom. When I decided on her nursery bedding 4 years ago. I decided that I wanted to go with something nontraditional. I didn't want the pastel pinks and purples. I went with a really cute set with red and black. Dragonflies and butterflies...

We transitioned from crib to toddler bed two years ago. The toddler bed didn't last long and we went right into the full size bed. I kept the same color scheme and we still decorated with some of her nursery things.

For months Halle has been begging me to redecorate her room. She really wanted her walls to be pink. "Like a princess.." So, for her birthday we got her new bedding and I just painted her walls a pretty pink. This meant that the last of her nursery was packed up and put away. I couldn't help being a little sad when I put her crib comforter and curtain valances in a trashbag and walked them to the basement. That was the last of the baby phase.

My baby girl is getting to be so big. My life would not be complete without my girl! My friend, Annie found out a couple of weeks ago that she is expecting a girl. She is scared to death. I keep telling her that it is the best thing ever and there is nothing to be scared of! Once she lays eyes on that sweet baby girl...she won't be able to imgaine life any other way. I know that I have a best friend for life. Of course there will be times that she won't be able to stand me and she will think I am the worst Mom in the universe. But, I know that will only last for a season! WE will forever be shopping buddies!! I taught her an important lesson this week. I was cleaning out my closet and she said, "Mom, you have too many shoes!" I said, "Did Daddy tell you to say that?" She said, "No, but why do you have so many shoes?" I responded the way every girl should, "A girl can NEVER have too many shoes! Remember that honey!"

Happy 4th Birthday, Halle! Momma loves you more than life itself!!

MY GIRLIE GIRL! :)

"I eat banana peels...What?"

"Let's Gooooo Miss Wilson, Wilson, Wilson...Wilson is Number Oooone!"
"I eat banana peels...What?"
"I'm a chinese pussy cat!"

Oh the joys of teaching young children! These are all things that I heard in the last few weeks of school. Kids are so fun! I really do enjoy my job! Even with all the added stress that comes with it, I can't imagine doing anything else. This year, we ended the year very stressed out. We were all glad to see May 17! At times, it seemed like summer would NEVER get here. I am so glad that we finally made it!

So, now I am back to being a "Stay at home Momma." I love being home with Halle everyday. But, it takes some adjusting. When you are used to a routine and going to work and having adult conversation everyday it is so different! My question for my sister-in-law yesterday was, "How do you keep from spending so much money?" All I want to do is little projects around the house. But, those little projects add up. I want to decorate my newly remodeled bathroom. I want to redo Halle's bedroom. I'd like to organize my pantry with baskets (expensive!) I want to repaint my living room. I also want to make some Pinterest projects. I always kid myself in thinking, "Oh I will save so much money in daycare over the summer." Yeah right! I have more time on my hands to think up of reasons to go to Wal-Mart, Big Lots, Hobby Lobby, etc. Who am I kidding? I am so thankful for my school district who always takes care of us over the summer (career ladder, opportunities for extra money). We truly are blessed at Central!!

I'm looking forward to a summer filled with making memories with my sweet little family. We are enjoying our camper every moment we get! We are in the process of making some very important decisions that will affect our family. I'm excited about all it! I can't wait to see what is in store for us!! :)

Oh Happy Day!!

I finished up my Action Research Project last week. I emailed it to my professor early to make sure I gotthe extra 10 bonus points. I figured I would need those bonus points to possibly squeak out an A in the class. This was my last class before finishing up my Masters. Up to this point I had made an A in every class. Each day since hit the "submit" button on my paper, I have obsessively checked Blackboard to see what my grade end up being.

I checked last night before I went to bed...and still nothing. So, this morning I thought, "Maybe the guy is a night owl and he got it done last night." I didn't really think it would be there. But, low and behold...there it was. 408/600...408/600? "What? REALLY?" I immediately started number crunching. That is a 68%---F in the graduate world. I looked at the comment section and it read, "Krista, I have graded your paper and it and the scoring rubric will be sent to you via an email attachment. Your paper is outstanding. Good job. Dr. Brandly"

I did what every emotional woman would do I began hysterically sobbing. I sent my hubby a text because I couldn't get any words out....and of course, he calls me...just as any good husband would. But, I couldn't talk. I just kept saying, "I worked so hard..."

Halle got up and just listened and watched as I cried. She asked me why I was crying and I tried to explain to her that the teacher didn't like my homework. She asked me if I got kicked out of school and if my boss was mad at me. I might sometimes use the boss thing to get her out of the house in the mornings...oops! Sorry, Tim! :/

So, I calmed down enough to get to school. My friend across the hall has taken every class with me and she was very sympathetic. She kept saying..."that just can't be right." Her and my other friend, Annie convinced me to go ahead and email him to see why he said it was outstanding but gave me an F. So, I did. In about an hour I checked back and the grade had changed to 608/600.

I was soooooo relieved! I checked my email and Dr. Brandly sent me an apology and then asked me if he could use my paper as a sample in his next class. That was very much an honor. All the blood, sweat...and actual tears was so worth it.

I went to pick up Halle from daycare and her teacher informed me that she was real whiny today. She said she kept talking about me...very worried that I was still upset. She told her, "I tried to tell Mommy that her teacher isn't mad at her." I never gave it much thought at all that me being upset would affect her so much. Kids are so in tune with us. How we begin our day really does set the tone for their day. I felt bad for ruining Halle's day. It was a great reminder to put on my happy face...no matter what. Sometimes it is just so hard!!

"I've Got This!"

Halle is 3 going on 13. Here lately she has been spending a lot of time with teenagers and I think they are starting to rub off on her a bit. I find her sometimes sitting in front of a mirror brushing her hair. She cares about what she wears...ALREADY! I figured this out just this past week. I sent her to daycare in a pair of sandals. I always send an extra pair of shoes to wear on the playground. I sent a pair of crocs because they are so easy to slide on and off and you just can't mess them up. When I got there to pick her up, I found out she had a little shoe mishap with her cute sandals. I said, "Ok, Halle let's just put on your crocs and get out to the car." She responded, "No, Mom...these shoes are just sooo ugly." Wow! Of course, they are ugly! I've never owned a pair of crocs because this reason. But, the fact that my 3 year old daughter has realized this is just strange to me!

Halle has become very independant! And I think it's safe to say that I don't like it one bit. She's my baby! I want to help her get dressed. Put her shoes on. Fix her hair. Give her a bath. Pick out her clothes. I want to help her wash her hands. Here lately, she says, "No, Mom! I can do it." It makes me sad and I feel helpless at times.

This made me think...I wonder if that is how God feels when we do things on our own? So many times we find ourselves saying, "I've got this! I can do this on my own."

Last Monday...when I got the phone call about my mom's surgery...I immediately began praying. I sent a message to my close friends to get them praying. They reminded me that this was a routine procedure and everything was going to be o.k. Still, I didn't feel good about it. I didn't make it to the hospital before they took her back. I will never forget the feeling that came over me when the surgeon came in to tell us what he had found. I realized at that point...it wasn't "routine." I promise you...I was not saying, "I can do this on my own"....or..."I've got his." I was pleading to Him, "Please God, don't take my Momma! I need her. Halle needs her Nana!" I felt so helpless sitting there for over 2 hours. I am so thankful that He saw fit to keep her alive! I realized how quickly my life could have changed in that instant.

I am so thankful that we don't have to do it ALL on our own! I think it is always important to remember that just as I want to help Halle out....God wants to help us! It doesn't matter how big or small our problem seems to us, it is NEVER a big deal to Him!

Traditions...It's a working progress!

Last year on Easter, Jake was out of town doing storm work. So, I played the Easter bunny by myself. It was very sad. I had to put together the new red wagon by myself and ended up putting the wheels on backwards. :/ HAHA! It was very funny! I also hid all of the eggs.

So, this year Jake is home. I woke him up this morning to tell him to go hide the eggs before Halle woke up. So, he got up. I didn't understand why he went into the closet and got dressed...but whatever! After he got back in bed I decided to get up to check to make sure he did it right. And to also get the the Easter basket things and get it all set out and ready to go. I started looking around and didn't see any eggs. I thought, "Wow, he sure hid them good for a 3 year old!"

Halle got up and ran to see what was in her basket. She was so excited with every item. There was gum and she knew that Jake was looking for gum last night and she said, "Daddy, I think he left this for you." It was so sweet!

On to the Egg hunt.

So, I had Halle get her basket and told her it was time to find her eggs. I said, "Wow, I think the Easter bunny must have hid the eggs "really" hard. I don't see ANY. Jake looked at me like I was stupid and said, "That's because the Easter bunny hides the eggs OUTSIDE! Bahahaha!

Needless to say we've GOT to get on the same page with these traditions. I've never heard of the Easter bunny hiding eggs outside. I mean why would he do that? Your feet get all nasty and it is always cold. But, whatever!! LOL!! We always had the eggs hidden inside of our house. But, I'm o.k.with new traditions. Halle had so much fun!

Happy Easter!

Testimony of Faith

I've been in church my entire life. So, when I hear people talking about their testimony, I always wish I had an exciting one to share. Sure, the fact that Jesus died for me and I now have salvation is just as exciting as anything I could ever imagine. But, I've always heard so many testimonies that just seem absolutely amazing to me. Here lately, I feel that God is doing an amazing work in my life. He has stretched my faith beyond what I could ever have imagined. I would like to share my testimony. I will call it my "Testimony of Faith" because I have complete confidence that He isn't over with me yet and I know, by faith, there is so much more to come in our lives!

I asked Jesus into my heart in 1988 at a Jimmy Swaggert revival in Baton Rouge. I was 7 years old and I will never forget that life changing moment when I decided I wanted to follow Christ and make heaven my home. As I said before, my parents raised my brothers and I in church our entire lives. I can probably count on one hand the number of services we may have missed. We were always expected to go to church. Even in our rebellious teenage years! I say rebellious only because I didn't always make the best choices in my life. There were times when I strayed away.

I was 21 when I had a complete life change. I had just met my husband and he was a youth pastor. I had never dated anybody like him before. I guess that is why I fell so hard for him and why we are now married. He had a heart after God. My desires changed. Before I met him I didn't really think too much about God. I lived for myself. I did what made me happy in life. Sure, I believed in Him...I believed He died for me and I knew I was saved but I also knew there was so much more for my life. My mom had always told me that I had a calling on my life. It went in one ear and out the other. I heard it my whole life. But, all of a sudden I had this heart change. I started realizing that life was so much more than what I hadever experienced before.

I believe that God had a devine appointment for Jake and I to meet. I have no doubt that he orchestrated everything in our lives that led up to that moment where he came to my parents house all heart broken.

Fast forward almost 8 years later...

We have been "trying" to expand our family for almost a year now. When we decided it was time (June 2011) we were at a place spiritually that seemed to me, very stale or stagnant. We weren't involved in ministry. We were "pew warmers." Not that there is ANYTHING wrong with that but, we both knew there was so much more for us. That God had called us to do something other than what we were doing.

In January 2012, I had this reality check "moment." I had just taken a pregnancy test (as I had all the previous months) and it was negative. I just didn't understand why God wasn't blessing us. We had several things happen this particular day and I finally just broke. I remember sitting in the floor of the bathroom sobbing as Jake just sat and watched. He didn't know what to say. He didn't have to say anything. I just remember speaking these words through my sobs, "What did we do to deserve this?" I think it hit both of us...we were NOT where we were supposed to be spiritually. He lead us back to The Missing Peace church. We had no intentions of taking over any ministry there. But, we felt the urgency to go back. The last time we were at this church the ministry positions were all filled. We didn't really know why we were supposed to go, afterall we were so comfortable at Harvest. That was where all of our friends were....where we had gone our whole lives. But, we were obediant and about a month later the youth ministry sort of fell into our laps.

In February, we had some testing done and we were told that there was a very slight chance we would conceive naturally. This was a little hard to swallow. Afterall, we have our precious Halle with no trying at all. I have not accepted what doctors have told us. Because I know the best fertility specialist there is...His name is Jesus! As I sit and type this today, I am still not pregnant. But, I have COMPLETE faith that I will be in HIS time. Over the course of this year I have waited patiently while 21 people that I know either got positive tests or had a baby. While that may seem discouraging for most, I find myself very content with life. It has taken lots of prayer to get to this place of peace. My focus has changed...instead of praying for God to give me, give me, give me...I have thanked Him for all He has blessed me with. I have finally surrendered completely. It is completely out of my control. I will continue to stand on my faith and trust in the LORD. I have to say, that when it happens, it will truly be my TESTIMONY OF FAITH. I will finally have my amazing testimony that I have always hoped for...and to God will be the glory.

Peace

Lamentations 3:17-Peace has been stripped away, and I have forgotten what prosperity is.

Have you ever felt like everything in your life is going wrong? No matter what you do, nothing seems to go right. 2012 so far, has not been too great for us. We were hit with some major unexpected expenses. We were told some scary news regarding my husband's job and we are still waiting on the blessing of another child! We have found ourselves sitting in stale and stagnant water in our christian walk. Yesterday was a very difficult day for me. I finally just broke. I'm the type of person that holds everything in. When someone asks me if I am o.k. I respond with a smile, "Yes! Everything is great!"

Friday night I decided to drag out the humidifier in hopes of getting the air quality back to normal in our house. We've been heating our house with the fireplace alone..trying to conserve electricity. We are pretty sure we are going to get hit with a huge electric bill next month due to the meter not working properly. Anyway, I put the humidifier on my night stand. The next morning I woke up and realized the entire thing was empty. It had leaked out all over our brand new night stand and ruined the top. Although that doesn't seem like a huge deal to many. We just bought this new furniture not even a year ago and now this piece is just ruined. I burst into tears. Jake didn't really know what to say. I'm pretty sure he thought I had lost my mind but in the midst of the sobs I said, "What did we do to deserve this? Are we being punished for something?"

The rest of the day I surrounded myself with worship music and people who I knew would have the right words of encouragement for me. I had the perfect time of prayer. I am so thankful that in every circumstance in my life, I can still find enough strength to give God all of my praise. Without Him I would have absolutely nothing! I know, at times, it seems like we are never going to get out of the situations we are in, but if we put our faith and trust in Jesus...ALL THINGS ARE POSSIBLE!!

No longer will I allow the enemy to creep in and steal my peace! My faith and trust are completely in Him!

After my extremely emotional day yesterday I reminded myself that my situation is nothing compared to what other people are going through. There is always someone going through something so much worse that I can even imagine.

Perspective...

I refuse to feel sorry for myself. God is in total control! And I choose to leave it in His hands!

Luke 1:37- For nothing is impossible with God.