There are things that happen in this disgusting world that I will never understand. Here are a few things on my mind today...
Here it goes...
We all heard the horror story unravel with baby Tyler Dasher. I was sickened to hear that this poor baby was missing from his crib that day. AND even more sickened to hear that his own mother took his life and dumped him like garbage in a nearby park. It was a very tough thing to swallow for us all. But, it struck a nerve with me. There are SOOOO many people that are unable to have children. People that would be excellent parents. People who can financially take care of their children...people who don't depend on others to raise their children. People who would nurture and love their child unconditionally. It breaks my heart and I just don't understand how we can have that kind of evil living in this world.
I am faced each day with children who live in horrible situations. Poor kids who go to bed hungry. They don't get attention at home. They don't have clothes or shoes that fit. They are abused and neglected. Why? I just don't understand.
There are pregnant women who don't take care of their bodies. They abuse drugs and alcohol. Why? I just don't understand.
All of these situations are horrific. They break my heart...more so now, than ever before!
Jake and I have been trying to conceive for 6 months now. I finally feel like I am ready to talk about how I'm feeling. Up until this point, just my close family and friends are really the only ones that know what is going on. I feel like they get tired of hearing about my troubles so I need a place that I can just "vent."
The past few months have been an emotional roller coaster. Each month, it is hard to bare the disappointment. I am so thankful for my little blessing of Halle. I'm so glad that God trusted me and picked me to be her mommy. So many things go through my mind with each disappointment. I think to myself..."Do I not deserve another baby?" I've begged God...I've had heart to heart talks with Him...and each time I feel a peace come over me. I know that HE is in control. Everyone says, "His timing is perfect." God is faithful...I know all of these things. I have complete faith that we will have another child. That God will bless us again with the perfect baby at the perfect time. It's just funny how we think we have everything planned out. I knew exactly how many years I wanted between children. We tried to be the responsible adults and put enough space between so that we were able to afford daycare. But, God's plans don't always coincide with ours. I once made the statement, "People plan and God laughs." Oh how true this is.
I'm amazed at how many people I talk to that have gone through similar situations or are currently going through it with me. I can't stress enough how thankful I am for the 3 year old miracle that brings joy to my life each and everyday. I just pray that God will choose to bless us again. Until then, I will keep my faith and trust in our LORD!!
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