"I've Got This!"

Halle is 3 going on 13. Here lately she has been spending a lot of time with teenagers and I think they are starting to rub off on her a bit. I find her sometimes sitting in front of a mirror brushing her hair. She cares about what she wears...ALREADY! I figured this out just this past week. I sent her to daycare in a pair of sandals. I always send an extra pair of shoes to wear on the playground. I sent a pair of crocs because they are so easy to slide on and off and you just can't mess them up. When I got there to pick her up, I found out she had a little shoe mishap with her cute sandals. I said, "Ok, Halle let's just put on your crocs and get out to the car." She responded, "No, Mom...these shoes are just sooo ugly." Wow! Of course, they are ugly! I've never owned a pair of crocs because this reason. But, the fact that my 3 year old daughter has realized this is just strange to me!

Halle has become very independant! And I think it's safe to say that I don't like it one bit. She's my baby! I want to help her get dressed. Put her shoes on. Fix her hair. Give her a bath. Pick out her clothes. I want to help her wash her hands. Here lately, she says, "No, Mom! I can do it." It makes me sad and I feel helpless at times.

This made me think...I wonder if that is how God feels when we do things on our own? So many times we find ourselves saying, "I've got this! I can do this on my own."

Last Monday...when I got the phone call about my mom's surgery...I immediately began praying. I sent a message to my close friends to get them praying. They reminded me that this was a routine procedure and everything was going to be o.k. Still, I didn't feel good about it. I didn't make it to the hospital before they took her back. I will never forget the feeling that came over me when the surgeon came in to tell us what he had found. I realized at that point...it wasn't "routine." I promise you...I was not saying, "I can do this on my own"....or..."I've got his." I was pleading to Him, "Please God, don't take my Momma! I need her. Halle needs her Nana!" I felt so helpless sitting there for over 2 hours. I am so thankful that He saw fit to keep her alive! I realized how quickly my life could have changed in that instant.

I am so thankful that we don't have to do it ALL on our own! I think it is always important to remember that just as I want to help Halle out....God wants to help us! It doesn't matter how big or small our problem seems to us, it is NEVER a big deal to Him!

Traditions...It's a working progress!

Last year on Easter, Jake was out of town doing storm work. So, I played the Easter bunny by myself. It was very sad. I had to put together the new red wagon by myself and ended up putting the wheels on backwards. :/ HAHA! It was very funny! I also hid all of the eggs.

So, this year Jake is home. I woke him up this morning to tell him to go hide the eggs before Halle woke up. So, he got up. I didn't understand why he went into the closet and got dressed...but whatever! After he got back in bed I decided to get up to check to make sure he did it right. And to also get the the Easter basket things and get it all set out and ready to go. I started looking around and didn't see any eggs. I thought, "Wow, he sure hid them good for a 3 year old!"

Halle got up and ran to see what was in her basket. She was so excited with every item. There was gum and she knew that Jake was looking for gum last night and she said, "Daddy, I think he left this for you." It was so sweet!

On to the Egg hunt.

So, I had Halle get her basket and told her it was time to find her eggs. I said, "Wow, I think the Easter bunny must have hid the eggs "really" hard. I don't see ANY. Jake looked at me like I was stupid and said, "That's because the Easter bunny hides the eggs OUTSIDE! Bahahaha!

Needless to say we've GOT to get on the same page with these traditions. I've never heard of the Easter bunny hiding eggs outside. I mean why would he do that? Your feet get all nasty and it is always cold. But, whatever!! LOL!! We always had the eggs hidden inside of our house. But, I'm o.k.with new traditions. Halle had so much fun!

Happy Easter!

Testimony of Faith

I've been in church my entire life. So, when I hear people talking about their testimony, I always wish I had an exciting one to share. Sure, the fact that Jesus died for me and I now have salvation is just as exciting as anything I could ever imagine. But, I've always heard so many testimonies that just seem absolutely amazing to me. Here lately, I feel that God is doing an amazing work in my life. He has stretched my faith beyond what I could ever have imagined. I would like to share my testimony. I will call it my "Testimony of Faith" because I have complete confidence that He isn't over with me yet and I know, by faith, there is so much more to come in our lives!

I asked Jesus into my heart in 1988 at a Jimmy Swaggert revival in Baton Rouge. I was 7 years old and I will never forget that life changing moment when I decided I wanted to follow Christ and make heaven my home. As I said before, my parents raised my brothers and I in church our entire lives. I can probably count on one hand the number of services we may have missed. We were always expected to go to church. Even in our rebellious teenage years! I say rebellious only because I didn't always make the best choices in my life. There were times when I strayed away.

I was 21 when I had a complete life change. I had just met my husband and he was a youth pastor. I had never dated anybody like him before. I guess that is why I fell so hard for him and why we are now married. He had a heart after God. My desires changed. Before I met him I didn't really think too much about God. I lived for myself. I did what made me happy in life. Sure, I believed in Him...I believed He died for me and I knew I was saved but I also knew there was so much more for my life. My mom had always told me that I had a calling on my life. It went in one ear and out the other. I heard it my whole life. But, all of a sudden I had this heart change. I started realizing that life was so much more than what I hadever experienced before.

I believe that God had a devine appointment for Jake and I to meet. I have no doubt that he orchestrated everything in our lives that led up to that moment where he came to my parents house all heart broken.

Fast forward almost 8 years later...

We have been "trying" to expand our family for almost a year now. When we decided it was time (June 2011) we were at a place spiritually that seemed to me, very stale or stagnant. We weren't involved in ministry. We were "pew warmers." Not that there is ANYTHING wrong with that but, we both knew there was so much more for us. That God had called us to do something other than what we were doing.

In January 2012, I had this reality check "moment." I had just taken a pregnancy test (as I had all the previous months) and it was negative. I just didn't understand why God wasn't blessing us. We had several things happen this particular day and I finally just broke. I remember sitting in the floor of the bathroom sobbing as Jake just sat and watched. He didn't know what to say. He didn't have to say anything. I just remember speaking these words through my sobs, "What did we do to deserve this?" I think it hit both of us...we were NOT where we were supposed to be spiritually. He lead us back to The Missing Peace church. We had no intentions of taking over any ministry there. But, we felt the urgency to go back. The last time we were at this church the ministry positions were all filled. We didn't really know why we were supposed to go, afterall we were so comfortable at Harvest. That was where all of our friends were....where we had gone our whole lives. But, we were obediant and about a month later the youth ministry sort of fell into our laps.

In February, we had some testing done and we were told that there was a very slight chance we would conceive naturally. This was a little hard to swallow. Afterall, we have our precious Halle with no trying at all. I have not accepted what doctors have told us. Because I know the best fertility specialist there is...His name is Jesus! As I sit and type this today, I am still not pregnant. But, I have COMPLETE faith that I will be in HIS time. Over the course of this year I have waited patiently while 21 people that I know either got positive tests or had a baby. While that may seem discouraging for most, I find myself very content with life. It has taken lots of prayer to get to this place of peace. My focus has changed...instead of praying for God to give me, give me, give me...I have thanked Him for all He has blessed me with. I have finally surrendered completely. It is completely out of my control. I will continue to stand on my faith and trust in the LORD. I have to say, that when it happens, it will truly be my TESTIMONY OF FAITH. I will finally have my amazing testimony that I have always hoped for...and to God will be the glory.

Peace

Lamentations 3:17-Peace has been stripped away, and I have forgotten what prosperity is.

Have you ever felt like everything in your life is going wrong? No matter what you do, nothing seems to go right. 2012 so far, has not been too great for us. We were hit with some major unexpected expenses. We were told some scary news regarding my husband's job and we are still waiting on the blessing of another child! We have found ourselves sitting in stale and stagnant water in our christian walk. Yesterday was a very difficult day for me. I finally just broke. I'm the type of person that holds everything in. When someone asks me if I am o.k. I respond with a smile, "Yes! Everything is great!"

Friday night I decided to drag out the humidifier in hopes of getting the air quality back to normal in our house. We've been heating our house with the fireplace alone..trying to conserve electricity. We are pretty sure we are going to get hit with a huge electric bill next month due to the meter not working properly. Anyway, I put the humidifier on my night stand. The next morning I woke up and realized the entire thing was empty. It had leaked out all over our brand new night stand and ruined the top. Although that doesn't seem like a huge deal to many. We just bought this new furniture not even a year ago and now this piece is just ruined. I burst into tears. Jake didn't really know what to say. I'm pretty sure he thought I had lost my mind but in the midst of the sobs I said, "What did we do to deserve this? Are we being punished for something?"

The rest of the day I surrounded myself with worship music and people who I knew would have the right words of encouragement for me. I had the perfect time of prayer. I am so thankful that in every circumstance in my life, I can still find enough strength to give God all of my praise. Without Him I would have absolutely nothing! I know, at times, it seems like we are never going to get out of the situations we are in, but if we put our faith and trust in Jesus...ALL THINGS ARE POSSIBLE!!

No longer will I allow the enemy to creep in and steal my peace! My faith and trust are completely in Him!

After my extremely emotional day yesterday I reminded myself that my situation is nothing compared to what other people are going through. There is always someone going through something so much worse that I can even imagine.

Perspective...

I refuse to feel sorry for myself. God is in total control! And I choose to leave it in His hands!

Luke 1:37- For nothing is impossible with God.

Unanswered Prayer

I am currently reading Waiting for Morning by Karen Kingsbury. It is an extremely sad story about a women who had it all. The perfect life until one day her husband and daughter were killed by a drunk driver. She harbors this anger for this man who is responsible for her beloved family's death. It is just awful, I must say. But now, I have to finish to see how the story ends! What I've gathered so far is that she must learn to forgive this man who turned her life upside down!

Forgiveness...

It sounds so simple but why is it hard for us to forgive and let go?

We've all been done wrong in life. People in our lives have wreaked havoc and they go on about their lives like everything is perfect. I'd say most of us have dealt with some hurt by someone we've cared at least one time or another in our lives. I guess that is life. I believe how we deal with these situations define our character.

Recently, I was told some things about a person of my past. A feeling of betrayal came over me. I felt as if everything was all based on a lie. I was confused and angry. I didn't understand how someone could be such a manipulator and liar! I remember spending many nights praying that God would just see things my way. I thought if He would just answer this prayer that my life would be perfect. I am forever grateful for God's hand on my life! My momma prayed from the time I was born for God's perfect plan in my life. As silly as it may sound, she even prayed for the perfect husband as she rocked me to sleep! I thank God everyday for such a devoted mother who loves Jesus and her children (and now grandchildren) more than anything!

I only stayed mad for a few minutes. I know I must find forgiveness in my heart and honestly I'm pretty sure that I am already there. I'm so glad that as Christians, we are able to put the past in the past and move forward. It's not always an easy task. Prayerfully, we will all be able to get there someday!

Seek and you shall find

Matthew 7:7-11

Keep on asking, and you will receive what you ask for. Keep on seeking, and you will find. Keep on knocking, and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks, receives. Everyone who seeks finds. And to everyone who knocks, the door will be opened.

It's funny how God speaks to us? So many baby Christians don't understand when we say, "God told me this..." or "God pressed upon my heart." I'll be honest I never fully grasped what people were talking about until it happened to me for the first time. No, it wasn't some audible voice fom heaven saying, "Thus saith the LORD," It was more like this overwhelming feeling of peace that came over me. That's how I knew it was God. Once you recognize His voice and you start really seeking it...it's a little bit easier to decipher.

One of my biggest pet peeves is when I'm looking for something and I can't find it. For example, I am missing my really cute NorthFace sock cap that I got for Christmas last year. I have turned this house upside down searching for it. It's aggravating! I finally gave up! Hopefully it will show up soon.

And tonight, I was searching for my camera charger. I searched for at least an hour... Looking everywhere! I have to charge my camera for all of the upcoming festivities, you know? Grrrr....I was so mad! Finally, I looked one more time in a drawer that I promise I looked in 3 times...and low and behold there it was! I was so happy!

This little search made me think of the verse "seek and ye shall find"...I opened up my Bible and my bookmark was marking Matthew 7:7-11. It was very fitting for tonight and in my life in general! He hears our prayers. He is all-knowing...he knows our heart! He also knows exactly what is best for us!

I often find myself looking at the sky. I like to look towards heaven and imagine what it must be like there. Halle and I talk about Heaven a lot. Afterall, Heaven is for real! :) We talk about Grandma Jean and Grandma Wilson. She told Jake tonight that God and Jesus live in heaven together and they have a dog named Gunnar! I love listening to her talk about heaven because she has such faith. Faith like a child. As Halle and I were driving home today I was thinking about our future and wondering what God has in store for our family. I looked up and there was this rainbow in the shape of a circle. I've never seen anything like it. God's promises are real and I am absolutely sure that His promises will be fulfilled in our lives!

Romans 15:4 Such things were written in the Scriptures long ago to teach us. And the scriptures give us hope and encouragement as we wait patiently for God's promises to be fulfilled.

I will continue to wait and hold on to His promises!

Whom shall I fear?

We never know the love of a parent till we become parents ourselves.

Making the decision to have a child is momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body. Elizabeth Stone

After I became a parent, I often found myself panicking over silly things. For example, what if something happened to Jake? I also worried about going on trips with just the two of us because what if, God forbid, something happened to both of us? When Jake goes on long trips I have found myself in fear. The last few times I even told him..."Please be careful...because I don't want to lose you and Halle needs her Daddy." He just laughs and rolls his eyes. But then when he doesn't call when he is supposed to or if I haven't heard from him...I start wondering what it must feel like to get a knock at the door...or a phone call to tell me there has been an accident. I know I must sound like a lunatic.

But, tonight as I was preparing to be gone to a conference for a couple of days this spirit of fear came over me again. As I was getting things cleaned up and packed I went to the basement where all the presents were and I started making piles. I came upstairs and I told Jake that I had this fear again and that if something happened to me to please call Amber and have her tell him who gets what present! He laughed it off and said, "I'm sure I can manage.". Whew! That makes me feel better! Lol.

Anyway, like I said I'm sure I sound like a crazy psycho who plans out her alive and well husband's funeral all because he is a few a minutes late calling from time to time...but the thing is, I know I have absolutely nothing to fear.

Psalm 4:8: In peace I will lie down and sleep, for you alone, O Lord, will keep me safe.

I am refusing to allow this fear to creep in any more...Philippians 4:6-7 Don't worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus.

Psalm 27:1 The Lord is my light and my salvation—so why should I be afraid? The Lord is my fortress, protecting me from danger, so why should I tremble?

So tonight, I pray for that peace in my heart that only He can give.

Lord, calm my fears and keep us safe. Thank you for your word! It gives me the reassurance that I need! In Jesus name, Amen!!