God's Promises

I will not be sharing this with the Facebook world. However, I don't want to miss the opportunity to blog what just happened to us recently. If you happen to stumble upon this--then it was absolutely meant for you to see. Maybe your faith has been tested recently.

Just as mine has.

My husband and I have been TTC for 1 year. We finally hit our 1 year mark this month. It has been a complete life changer for me. Around the 6 month mark I found myself really becoming angry. I kept questioning God. Why are you allowing all of these people around me get pregnant? Everyone except me? Girls who are unmarried and unable to support babies on their own? Girls who kill babies...girls who don't love their babies as I know can?

Why? Why? Why, God?

I know I've went through different stages throughout the year. I started the year really feeling positive. "Awh...well, maybe next month?" or "It will happen on my birthday. Yeah, God wants to give me a birthday present I will never forget." or "Maybe Christmas morning?" "I know Mother's Day!" This went on for months. Each day being as positive as the last. Until finally I just fell before the Lord and just laid it all out. I had a complete meltdown in January. That is when God began working His beautiful work in me.

I now have complete peace about His plan. When I say complete peace...that is exactly what I mean. Nobody understands why I just don't push my hubby to go to the doctor...or why I just don't jump at the fertility options. I have grown in my faith so much since January...that I just don't see the need to go any further than the feet of my Savior! He did it ALL already. Why would I seek anyone other than Him. Babies are a gift from God. He is the one that gives each and every one of us everything!

About a month ago, Jake's friend, Josh, from Washington State came to stay with us for 12 days. Josh's dad came over to visit one Sunday afternoon. Jake and I were working in the yard and Halle stayed inside playing with Josh and his wife. They came outside and were getting ready to leave for church and Josh's dad (who is an extremist and has a prayer life like nobody we have EVER met) walked up to Jake and said, "Do you want a baby boy?" Jake said, "Huh?" He said, "Do you want a baby boy?" Jake said, "Well yeah?" He said, "Good because God just showed me, while I was watching Halle play in the living room that He is going to bless you with a baby boy." We were absolutely blown away. This man who doesn't know our situation at all. Who had no idea that my heart has literally ached for a baby for an entire year just told us what God had showed him. I was amazed!

Later the same day this was revealed to us, my sister-in-law told me they were going to have vasectomy reversal so they could have another baby. I know that God is an "on-time" God...but WOW! I believe that He wanted to make sure that I knew He has heard my heart and He is going to bless us at just the right time. It may have been extremely painful to hear that my brother and sister-in-law, who have 3 perfectly healthy children are going to try for 1 more after all I've been through this year.

God is sooooo GOOD!

So, I've been standing on this promise! Praying that God would just have His way. I've completely given this to Him....knowing that none of it is in my hands anyway.

This morning, Jake came in and said, "Listen to this!" It was a voice message from a complete stranger. It said, "You don't know me but a friend of yours gave me your name and number told me to be in prayer for you to conceive a child. I want you to know that I've prayed for you and asked God to show me what to pray for you about. He said to tell you that you will conceive VERY soon. I've not seen your friend since. But, I wanted to let you know that I have prayed and God has heard." We later found out that this man came as a guest speaker during a baby dedication and has prayed for many couples who have trouble conceiving...and many have been success stories of God's miracle hand at work!

Again, WOW! Really? All I can say is the God we serve is absolutely awesome! What was promised to us a month ago has now been confirmed by a complete and total stranger. As I sit here today I am completely overwhelmed with joy because I know what is coming. What God says He will do--- will absolutely happen!

What a joyous day it will be when I can tell all of my family and friends that I am expecting. I have faith that the day will happen SOON! Thank you, Jesus!!

Bittersweet Birthday

Today is my beautiful daughter's 4th birthday! I can't believe it has already been 4 years. She has made me so happy! Each day she makes me laugh with her wonderful sense of humor! I honestly can't imagine my life without my Bug!

In all honesty, this morning was a little emotional. I had imagined celebrating her 4th birthday either big, huge and pregnant or with a newborn baby in tow. I now know that wasn't God's plan and I have accepted it. Eventhough I'm a little sad, I know His plan is far greater than I can imgaine...His word tells me so!! :)

I've been redecorating Halle's bedroom. When I decided on her nursery bedding 4 years ago. I decided that I wanted to go with something nontraditional. I didn't want the pastel pinks and purples. I went with a really cute set with red and black. Dragonflies and butterflies...

We transitioned from crib to toddler bed two years ago. The toddler bed didn't last long and we went right into the full size bed. I kept the same color scheme and we still decorated with some of her nursery things.

For months Halle has been begging me to redecorate her room. She really wanted her walls to be pink. "Like a princess.." So, for her birthday we got her new bedding and I just painted her walls a pretty pink. This meant that the last of her nursery was packed up and put away. I couldn't help being a little sad when I put her crib comforter and curtain valances in a trashbag and walked them to the basement. That was the last of the baby phase.

My baby girl is getting to be so big. My life would not be complete without my girl! My friend, Annie found out a couple of weeks ago that she is expecting a girl. She is scared to death. I keep telling her that it is the best thing ever and there is nothing to be scared of! Once she lays eyes on that sweet baby girl...she won't be able to imgaine life any other way. I know that I have a best friend for life. Of course there will be times that she won't be able to stand me and she will think I am the worst Mom in the universe. But, I know that will only last for a season! WE will forever be shopping buddies!! I taught her an important lesson this week. I was cleaning out my closet and she said, "Mom, you have too many shoes!" I said, "Did Daddy tell you to say that?" She said, "No, but why do you have so many shoes?" I responded the way every girl should, "A girl can NEVER have too many shoes! Remember that honey!"

Happy 4th Birthday, Halle! Momma loves you more than life itself!!

MY GIRLIE GIRL! :)

"I eat banana peels...What?"

"Let's Gooooo Miss Wilson, Wilson, Wilson...Wilson is Number Oooone!"
"I eat banana peels...What?"
"I'm a chinese pussy cat!"

Oh the joys of teaching young children! These are all things that I heard in the last few weeks of school. Kids are so fun! I really do enjoy my job! Even with all the added stress that comes with it, I can't imagine doing anything else. This year, we ended the year very stressed out. We were all glad to see May 17! At times, it seemed like summer would NEVER get here. I am so glad that we finally made it!

So, now I am back to being a "Stay at home Momma." I love being home with Halle everyday. But, it takes some adjusting. When you are used to a routine and going to work and having adult conversation everyday it is so different! My question for my sister-in-law yesterday was, "How do you keep from spending so much money?" All I want to do is little projects around the house. But, those little projects add up. I want to decorate my newly remodeled bathroom. I want to redo Halle's bedroom. I'd like to organize my pantry with baskets (expensive!) I want to repaint my living room. I also want to make some Pinterest projects. I always kid myself in thinking, "Oh I will save so much money in daycare over the summer." Yeah right! I have more time on my hands to think up of reasons to go to Wal-Mart, Big Lots, Hobby Lobby, etc. Who am I kidding? I am so thankful for my school district who always takes care of us over the summer (career ladder, opportunities for extra money). We truly are blessed at Central!!

I'm looking forward to a summer filled with making memories with my sweet little family. We are enjoying our camper every moment we get! We are in the process of making some very important decisions that will affect our family. I'm excited about all it! I can't wait to see what is in store for us!! :)

Oh Happy Day!!

I finished up my Action Research Project last week. I emailed it to my professor early to make sure I gotthe extra 10 bonus points. I figured I would need those bonus points to possibly squeak out an A in the class. This was my last class before finishing up my Masters. Up to this point I had made an A in every class. Each day since hit the "submit" button on my paper, I have obsessively checked Blackboard to see what my grade end up being.

I checked last night before I went to bed...and still nothing. So, this morning I thought, "Maybe the guy is a night owl and he got it done last night." I didn't really think it would be there. But, low and behold...there it was. 408/600...408/600? "What? REALLY?" I immediately started number crunching. That is a 68%---F in the graduate world. I looked at the comment section and it read, "Krista, I have graded your paper and it and the scoring rubric will be sent to you via an email attachment. Your paper is outstanding. Good job. Dr. Brandly"

I did what every emotional woman would do I began hysterically sobbing. I sent my hubby a text because I couldn't get any words out....and of course, he calls me...just as any good husband would. But, I couldn't talk. I just kept saying, "I worked so hard..."

Halle got up and just listened and watched as I cried. She asked me why I was crying and I tried to explain to her that the teacher didn't like my homework. She asked me if I got kicked out of school and if my boss was mad at me. I might sometimes use the boss thing to get her out of the house in the mornings...oops! Sorry, Tim! :/

So, I calmed down enough to get to school. My friend across the hall has taken every class with me and she was very sympathetic. She kept saying..."that just can't be right." Her and my other friend, Annie convinced me to go ahead and email him to see why he said it was outstanding but gave me an F. So, I did. In about an hour I checked back and the grade had changed to 608/600.

I was soooooo relieved! I checked my email and Dr. Brandly sent me an apology and then asked me if he could use my paper as a sample in his next class. That was very much an honor. All the blood, sweat...and actual tears was so worth it.

I went to pick up Halle from daycare and her teacher informed me that she was real whiny today. She said she kept talking about me...very worried that I was still upset. She told her, "I tried to tell Mommy that her teacher isn't mad at her." I never gave it much thought at all that me being upset would affect her so much. Kids are so in tune with us. How we begin our day really does set the tone for their day. I felt bad for ruining Halle's day. It was a great reminder to put on my happy face...no matter what. Sometimes it is just so hard!!

"I've Got This!"

Halle is 3 going on 13. Here lately she has been spending a lot of time with teenagers and I think they are starting to rub off on her a bit. I find her sometimes sitting in front of a mirror brushing her hair. She cares about what she wears...ALREADY! I figured this out just this past week. I sent her to daycare in a pair of sandals. I always send an extra pair of shoes to wear on the playground. I sent a pair of crocs because they are so easy to slide on and off and you just can't mess them up. When I got there to pick her up, I found out she had a little shoe mishap with her cute sandals. I said, "Ok, Halle let's just put on your crocs and get out to the car." She responded, "No, Mom...these shoes are just sooo ugly." Wow! Of course, they are ugly! I've never owned a pair of crocs because this reason. But, the fact that my 3 year old daughter has realized this is just strange to me!

Halle has become very independant! And I think it's safe to say that I don't like it one bit. She's my baby! I want to help her get dressed. Put her shoes on. Fix her hair. Give her a bath. Pick out her clothes. I want to help her wash her hands. Here lately, she says, "No, Mom! I can do it." It makes me sad and I feel helpless at times.

This made me think...I wonder if that is how God feels when we do things on our own? So many times we find ourselves saying, "I've got this! I can do this on my own."

Last Monday...when I got the phone call about my mom's surgery...I immediately began praying. I sent a message to my close friends to get them praying. They reminded me that this was a routine procedure and everything was going to be o.k. Still, I didn't feel good about it. I didn't make it to the hospital before they took her back. I will never forget the feeling that came over me when the surgeon came in to tell us what he had found. I realized at that point...it wasn't "routine." I promise you...I was not saying, "I can do this on my own"....or..."I've got his." I was pleading to Him, "Please God, don't take my Momma! I need her. Halle needs her Nana!" I felt so helpless sitting there for over 2 hours. I am so thankful that He saw fit to keep her alive! I realized how quickly my life could have changed in that instant.

I am so thankful that we don't have to do it ALL on our own! I think it is always important to remember that just as I want to help Halle out....God wants to help us! It doesn't matter how big or small our problem seems to us, it is NEVER a big deal to Him!

Traditions...It's a working progress!

Last year on Easter, Jake was out of town doing storm work. So, I played the Easter bunny by myself. It was very sad. I had to put together the new red wagon by myself and ended up putting the wheels on backwards. :/ HAHA! It was very funny! I also hid all of the eggs.

So, this year Jake is home. I woke him up this morning to tell him to go hide the eggs before Halle woke up. So, he got up. I didn't understand why he went into the closet and got dressed...but whatever! After he got back in bed I decided to get up to check to make sure he did it right. And to also get the the Easter basket things and get it all set out and ready to go. I started looking around and didn't see any eggs. I thought, "Wow, he sure hid them good for a 3 year old!"

Halle got up and ran to see what was in her basket. She was so excited with every item. There was gum and she knew that Jake was looking for gum last night and she said, "Daddy, I think he left this for you." It was so sweet!

On to the Egg hunt.

So, I had Halle get her basket and told her it was time to find her eggs. I said, "Wow, I think the Easter bunny must have hid the eggs "really" hard. I don't see ANY. Jake looked at me like I was stupid and said, "That's because the Easter bunny hides the eggs OUTSIDE! Bahahaha!

Needless to say we've GOT to get on the same page with these traditions. I've never heard of the Easter bunny hiding eggs outside. I mean why would he do that? Your feet get all nasty and it is always cold. But, whatever!! LOL!! We always had the eggs hidden inside of our house. But, I'm o.k.with new traditions. Halle had so much fun!

Happy Easter!

Testimony of Faith

I've been in church my entire life. So, when I hear people talking about their testimony, I always wish I had an exciting one to share. Sure, the fact that Jesus died for me and I now have salvation is just as exciting as anything I could ever imagine. But, I've always heard so many testimonies that just seem absolutely amazing to me. Here lately, I feel that God is doing an amazing work in my life. He has stretched my faith beyond what I could ever have imagined. I would like to share my testimony. I will call it my "Testimony of Faith" because I have complete confidence that He isn't over with me yet and I know, by faith, there is so much more to come in our lives!

I asked Jesus into my heart in 1988 at a Jimmy Swaggert revival in Baton Rouge. I was 7 years old and I will never forget that life changing moment when I decided I wanted to follow Christ and make heaven my home. As I said before, my parents raised my brothers and I in church our entire lives. I can probably count on one hand the number of services we may have missed. We were always expected to go to church. Even in our rebellious teenage years! I say rebellious only because I didn't always make the best choices in my life. There were times when I strayed away.

I was 21 when I had a complete life change. I had just met my husband and he was a youth pastor. I had never dated anybody like him before. I guess that is why I fell so hard for him and why we are now married. He had a heart after God. My desires changed. Before I met him I didn't really think too much about God. I lived for myself. I did what made me happy in life. Sure, I believed in Him...I believed He died for me and I knew I was saved but I also knew there was so much more for my life. My mom had always told me that I had a calling on my life. It went in one ear and out the other. I heard it my whole life. But, all of a sudden I had this heart change. I started realizing that life was so much more than what I hadever experienced before.

I believe that God had a devine appointment for Jake and I to meet. I have no doubt that he orchestrated everything in our lives that led up to that moment where he came to my parents house all heart broken.

Fast forward almost 8 years later...

We have been "trying" to expand our family for almost a year now. When we decided it was time (June 2011) we were at a place spiritually that seemed to me, very stale or stagnant. We weren't involved in ministry. We were "pew warmers." Not that there is ANYTHING wrong with that but, we both knew there was so much more for us. That God had called us to do something other than what we were doing.

In January 2012, I had this reality check "moment." I had just taken a pregnancy test (as I had all the previous months) and it was negative. I just didn't understand why God wasn't blessing us. We had several things happen this particular day and I finally just broke. I remember sitting in the floor of the bathroom sobbing as Jake just sat and watched. He didn't know what to say. He didn't have to say anything. I just remember speaking these words through my sobs, "What did we do to deserve this?" I think it hit both of us...we were NOT where we were supposed to be spiritually. He lead us back to The Missing Peace church. We had no intentions of taking over any ministry there. But, we felt the urgency to go back. The last time we were at this church the ministry positions were all filled. We didn't really know why we were supposed to go, afterall we were so comfortable at Harvest. That was where all of our friends were....where we had gone our whole lives. But, we were obediant and about a month later the youth ministry sort of fell into our laps.

In February, we had some testing done and we were told that there was a very slight chance we would conceive naturally. This was a little hard to swallow. Afterall, we have our precious Halle with no trying at all. I have not accepted what doctors have told us. Because I know the best fertility specialist there is...His name is Jesus! As I sit and type this today, I am still not pregnant. But, I have COMPLETE faith that I will be in HIS time. Over the course of this year I have waited patiently while 21 people that I know either got positive tests or had a baby. While that may seem discouraging for most, I find myself very content with life. It has taken lots of prayer to get to this place of peace. My focus has changed...instead of praying for God to give me, give me, give me...I have thanked Him for all He has blessed me with. I have finally surrendered completely. It is completely out of my control. I will continue to stand on my faith and trust in the LORD. I have to say, that when it happens, it will truly be my TESTIMONY OF FAITH. I will finally have my amazing testimony that I have always hoped for...and to God will be the glory.