Unanswered Prayer

I am currently reading Waiting for Morning by Karen Kingsbury. It is an extremely sad story about a women who had it all. The perfect life until one day her husband and daughter were killed by a drunk driver. She harbors this anger for this man who is responsible for her beloved family's death. It is just awful, I must say. But now, I have to finish to see how the story ends! What I've gathered so far is that she must learn to forgive this man who turned her life upside down!

Forgiveness...

It sounds so simple but why is it hard for us to forgive and let go?

We've all been done wrong in life. People in our lives have wreaked havoc and they go on about their lives like everything is perfect. I'd say most of us have dealt with some hurt by someone we've cared at least one time or another in our lives. I guess that is life. I believe how we deal with these situations define our character.

Recently, I was told some things about a person of my past. A feeling of betrayal came over me. I felt as if everything was all based on a lie. I was confused and angry. I didn't understand how someone could be such a manipulator and liar! I remember spending many nights praying that God would just see things my way. I thought if He would just answer this prayer that my life would be perfect. I am forever grateful for God's hand on my life! My momma prayed from the time I was born for God's perfect plan in my life. As silly as it may sound, she even prayed for the perfect husband as she rocked me to sleep! I thank God everyday for such a devoted mother who loves Jesus and her children (and now grandchildren) more than anything!

I only stayed mad for a few minutes. I know I must find forgiveness in my heart and honestly I'm pretty sure that I am already there. I'm so glad that as Christians, we are able to put the past in the past and move forward. It's not always an easy task. Prayerfully, we will all be able to get there someday!

Seek and you shall find

Matthew 7:7-11

Keep on asking, and you will receive what you ask for. Keep on seeking, and you will find. Keep on knocking, and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks, receives. Everyone who seeks finds. And to everyone who knocks, the door will be opened.

It's funny how God speaks to us? So many baby Christians don't understand when we say, "God told me this..." or "God pressed upon my heart." I'll be honest I never fully grasped what people were talking about until it happened to me for the first time. No, it wasn't some audible voice fom heaven saying, "Thus saith the LORD," It was more like this overwhelming feeling of peace that came over me. That's how I knew it was God. Once you recognize His voice and you start really seeking it...it's a little bit easier to decipher.

One of my biggest pet peeves is when I'm looking for something and I can't find it. For example, I am missing my really cute NorthFace sock cap that I got for Christmas last year. I have turned this house upside down searching for it. It's aggravating! I finally gave up! Hopefully it will show up soon.

And tonight, I was searching for my camera charger. I searched for at least an hour... Looking everywhere! I have to charge my camera for all of the upcoming festivities, you know? Grrrr....I was so mad! Finally, I looked one more time in a drawer that I promise I looked in 3 times...and low and behold there it was! I was so happy!

This little search made me think of the verse "seek and ye shall find"...I opened up my Bible and my bookmark was marking Matthew 7:7-11. It was very fitting for tonight and in my life in general! He hears our prayers. He is all-knowing...he knows our heart! He also knows exactly what is best for us!

I often find myself looking at the sky. I like to look towards heaven and imagine what it must be like there. Halle and I talk about Heaven a lot. Afterall, Heaven is for real! :) We talk about Grandma Jean and Grandma Wilson. She told Jake tonight that God and Jesus live in heaven together and they have a dog named Gunnar! I love listening to her talk about heaven because she has such faith. Faith like a child. As Halle and I were driving home today I was thinking about our future and wondering what God has in store for our family. I looked up and there was this rainbow in the shape of a circle. I've never seen anything like it. God's promises are real and I am absolutely sure that His promises will be fulfilled in our lives!

Romans 15:4 Such things were written in the Scriptures long ago to teach us. And the scriptures give us hope and encouragement as we wait patiently for God's promises to be fulfilled.

I will continue to wait and hold on to His promises!

Whom shall I fear?

We never know the love of a parent till we become parents ourselves.

Making the decision to have a child is momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body. Elizabeth Stone

After I became a parent, I often found myself panicking over silly things. For example, what if something happened to Jake? I also worried about going on trips with just the two of us because what if, God forbid, something happened to both of us? When Jake goes on long trips I have found myself in fear. The last few times I even told him..."Please be careful...because I don't want to lose you and Halle needs her Daddy." He just laughs and rolls his eyes. But then when he doesn't call when he is supposed to or if I haven't heard from him...I start wondering what it must feel like to get a knock at the door...or a phone call to tell me there has been an accident. I know I must sound like a lunatic.

But, tonight as I was preparing to be gone to a conference for a couple of days this spirit of fear came over me again. As I was getting things cleaned up and packed I went to the basement where all the presents were and I started making piles. I came upstairs and I told Jake that I had this fear again and that if something happened to me to please call Amber and have her tell him who gets what present! He laughed it off and said, "I'm sure I can manage.". Whew! That makes me feel better! Lol.

Anyway, like I said I'm sure I sound like a crazy psycho who plans out her alive and well husband's funeral all because he is a few a minutes late calling from time to time...but the thing is, I know I have absolutely nothing to fear.

Psalm 4:8: In peace I will lie down and sleep, for you alone, O Lord, will keep me safe.

I am refusing to allow this fear to creep in any more...Philippians 4:6-7 Don't worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus.

Psalm 27:1 The Lord is my light and my salvation—so why should I be afraid? The Lord is my fortress, protecting me from danger, so why should I tremble?

So tonight, I pray for that peace in my heart that only He can give.

Lord, calm my fears and keep us safe. Thank you for your word! It gives me the reassurance that I need! In Jesus name, Amen!!

This ones for the girls..

"Does this outfit make me look fat?"

"Is this too short?"

"Is this too tight?"

"Does my butt look big in this?"

"Which shoes should I wear?"

How many women have ever been guilty of asking any of these questions? I'd venture to say most of us. I'm very careful to ask these questions of my husband not for fear of what he might say, but because he has absolutely no fashion sense whatsoever! This is the reason my sister-in-law and mom are called when Christmas approaches!

Here very soon Halle is going to be left with Jake all by herself. I have a shopping trip planned with the girls and I have a conference at the lake next week. So I was wondering, "What is she going to look like while I'm gone?" I have to admit I'm a little nervous. After all, I am the one that picks out clothes each day and fixes hair. So, the thought of Halle and Daddy all alone reminded me of the times I was left alone with my dad. It was always a great time because we never heard,"Empty the stairs! or Empty the dishwasher!" We just had fun!! I'm sure the house was a disaster much like mine will be when I return. But, I especially remember when dad fixed my hair. My ponytail was low and loose! Ugh! I hated low-loose ponytails!! Lol

As I grew up, I always depended on mom to tell me what looked good before I went out. I would ask these questions that we all have asked. I trusted her opinion! But, when mom wasn't there I had to settle for dad's opinion.

This was his answer every time..."Well, if you have to ask, it probably is." What great advice! So, now if I'm feeling fat in an outfit or if I wonder if something is too tight, I always remember what dad said and....I change!! Thanks, Dad!! ;)

My dad may kill me for this but it's crazy how much Halle looks like me!!;)

I'll Never Understand

There are things that happen in this disgusting world that I will never understand. Here are a few things on my mind today...

Here it goes...

We all heard the horror story unravel with baby Tyler Dasher. I was sickened to hear that this poor baby was missing from his crib that day. AND even more sickened to hear that his own mother took his life and dumped him like garbage in a nearby park. It was a very tough thing to swallow for us all. But, it struck a nerve with me. There are SOOOO many people that are unable to have children. People that would be excellent parents. People who can financially take care of their children...people who don't depend on others to raise their children. People who would nurture and love their child unconditionally. It breaks my heart and I just don't understand how we can have that kind of evil living in this world.

I am faced each day with children who live in horrible situations. Poor kids who go to bed hungry. They don't get attention at home. They don't have clothes or shoes that fit. They are abused and neglected. Why? I just don't understand.

There are pregnant women who don't take care of their bodies. They abuse drugs and alcohol. Why? I just don't understand.

All of these situations are horrific. They break my heart...more so now, than ever before!

Jake and I have been trying to conceive for 6 months now. I finally feel like I am ready to talk about how I'm feeling. Up until this point, just my close family and friends are really the only ones that know what is going on. I feel like they get tired of hearing about my troubles so I need a place that I can just "vent."

The past few months have been an emotional roller coaster. Each month, it is hard to bare the disappointment. I am so thankful for my little blessing of Halle. I'm so glad that God trusted me and picked me to be her mommy. So many things go through my mind with each disappointment. I think to myself..."Do I not deserve another baby?" I've begged God...I've had heart to heart talks with Him...and each time I feel a peace come over me. I know that HE is in control. Everyone says, "His timing is perfect." God is faithful...I know all of these things. I have complete faith that we will have another child. That God will bless us again with the perfect baby at the perfect time. It's just funny how we think we have everything planned out. I knew exactly how many years I wanted between children. We tried to be the responsible adults and put enough space between so that we were able to afford daycare. But, God's plans don't always coincide with ours. I once made the statement, "People plan and God laughs." Oh how true this is.

I'm amazed at how many people I talk to that have gone through similar situations or are currently going through it with me. I can't stress enough how thankful I am for the 3 year old miracle that brings joy to my life each and everyday. I just pray that God will choose to bless us again. Until then, I will keep my faith and trust in our LORD!!

Vegas

A few years ago, Jake and I had just sold our house and we were living in the upstairs of my parents house with our 18 month old baby. It wasn't an ideal situation but we were at a crossroads in our life and we weren't exactly sure which way to go. Our anniversary came and went and we were disappointed that we weren't able to do anything special. I remember driving home from Farmington through St. Joe State Park when we made the decision from that point on we were going to go to a new city each year to celebrate our anniversary. Last year, we chose Chicago. Neither of us had been and it was a blast. I have to say, I always get a little nervous going to new places because of the fear of the "unknown."

We decided on Vegas this year. I'm not really sure why. Afterall, neither of us gamble or drink. But it was a place that was definitely on our "Bucket List." Everyone asked me, "What are you guys going to do there?" I didn't know but I was sure that we could find something to do and I knew just being away--alone--together would be enough to make me happy.

I was a little stressed about the airport security. We got through without a problem at all. It was quick and painless. We flew Southwest airlines because the "Bags Fly Free" but we decided next time we will pay more to fly more comfortable. The flight there was extremely cramped and the way they do seating is not my style. I felt like I had to fight for a seat and I was nervous we wouldn't get to sit together.

Once we reached Vegas we hopped in a taxi and made it to our hotel. I have to say The Venetian was absolutely gorgeous! They had very nice rooms. We went out and walked along the strip they first evening. It was so pretty. All the lights from the hotels and casinos were gorgeous. We definitely saw a lot of things and quickly understood why Vegas has coined the phrase, "Sin City." It probably didn't help that we were there on Halloween weekend. We found a little concession stand on the strip and got food and sat along the sidewalk and watched all the craziness. At times I laughed and other times I cringed. My heart broke a few times especially when I would see the children alongside doing random things for money. I can't imagine living that life, let alone my child.

The highlight of our trip was definitely renting a car and exploring a little part of Nevada. I never realized just how beautiful it was there. We got to see the Hoover Dam and we went to Red Rock Canyon, which was gorgeous!!

Overall, it was a great trip. We got to celebrate the big Cardinal win with a bunch of Texas fans...it was GREAT!! :)

Be still...

I have so much on my mind these days!

First quarter is nearing an end! I can't believe it! In some ways it seems like it has taken forever but on the other hand I am 1/4 of the way finished with the year!

It has been quite the stressful year so far! My class is wonderful! I've been blessed yet again with a great group of kids! It has been quite challenging though. In 8 years, I've never felt this overwhelmed! We have a lot on our plate and our teachers are doing an amazing job keeping up with the tasks! I am so blessed to have such great coworkers! We all get along so well and help eachother! It's awesome! I think a lot of my stress level is the fact that I am taking 3 Master's classes this fall. I don't know what I was thinking when I signed up for this! I keep telling myself it will all pay off. But there are days that I'm doubtful!! :)

There are times in our lives when I think we get so caught up in this thing we call LIFE! What is going on around us seems to affect our moods. We have a hard time seeing past the here and now. God has really been dealing with me over the past few months. I'm not quite sure what He is trying to teach me other than PATIENCE! I've never been a patient person. My mom told me from the time I was born I was impatient. If I was hungry, I wanted a bottle NOW! Apparently, I let her know just how unhappy I was until she got it in my mouth. As a kid, if there was something that I really wanted I couldn't just settle with, "maybe later" or "we will see." Oh, that drove me crazy! When I was at the "dating" stage in life I used to have very little patience with the guys I dated! I had expectations and if they didn't meet them then we had problems! How silly is that? I see that now!

I'm trying hard to understand God's way. I know He always knows what is best. He has proved that to me over and over again in my life! When things didn't work out the way I "thought" they should I got frustrated! Then, God would prove that he had my best interest always. I have faith and trust in Him! So, why is it so hard to be patient and wait? I remember praying for my husband-to-be. I had no idea who God intended me to marry. But, I had complete trust that there would come a time when he would reveal it to me. I was not very patient as I waited. I dated people that I had no business dating. All it did was create heartache on both ends! If only I could have just been patient! :)

Anyway, I said all that to say this...Once again, I find myself waiting! I find myself asking God, "Why?" Who are WE to question God? He is all-knowing! He has my best interest at heart! I remind myself of this verse--Jer 29:11-For I know the plans I have for you, says the Lord. They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and hope. I know my future is in His hands! No matter what my plans are---HIS are better! The other day I posted a quote, "People plan and God laughs!" His plans are greater than I can imagine!! Isaiah 55:8-9"For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways My ways, declares the Lord. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are My ways higher than your ways and My thoughts than your thoughts."

I can not imagine living this life without faith in Jesus! What a disappointing life it would be! Thank you, God for giving me hope when I feel hopeless!